Conversations With A Three Year Old, Part One

It takes us about 15 minutes to walk to Mini’s nursery school. I always really enjoy the time because Freddie, 10 months, is contentedly sat in the stroller whilst Mini, three, holds on to the side of the stroller and walks beside me. We always seem to have nice conversations and she’s usually quite engaging. Often at home, she’s busy playing or doing something else and so conversations don’t always go that far. That’s why I enjoy having those 15 minutes to talk with her.

Today our conversation went something like this:

Me: Who’s your favourite person to play with at nursery?

Mini, after thinking about it for ten seconds: Tracey and Stefan.

I thought these were slightly less common names for toddlers these days but I wasn’t going to judge.

Me: Oh. Tracey and Stefan? I haven’t heard of them. Are they nice?

Mini: Yes. They help me wash my hands.

Me: That is indeed very kind of them. What else do you play with them?

Mini: Stefan says you must need to put your hand up when you want to speak and always wait for your turn.

Me: Oh! So Stefan is your teacher?

Mini: No. He’s the teacher of Henry and Rocky.

Me: I see, so he’s a teacher but not your teacher. And is Tracey also a teacher?

Mini: Mmmm, I don’t know. But she is big. It’s like she’s an adult.

Me: It’s like she’s an adult? So, how is she not an adult?

Mini: She wears crocs and crocs are only for children. Really they are only for the seaside but I don’t think Tracey knows that.

We walked along in silence for a minute or two. I was thinking how funny it is what children notice and what they pick up on. Really, all of our actions and things we say, no matter how big or small, might get noted and stuck in their heads.

Mini: I think Tracey is an adult because she has boobies. The ones to feed the babies with.

Me, smiling: Are there other kinds of boobies?

Mini: Yes. Sometimes men have them but they don’t feed the babies. Only the mummies feed the babies because they are better at it.

Me: Yes, only Mummies produce milk, not Daddies.

Mini: Daddy has little boobies. Mummy has the big ones.

As we are walking we are both looking straight ahead. Therefore, Mini doesn’t see the massive smile on my face. Her Mum does indeed have rather large, fake looking breasts. I haven’t seen Tristan topless so I can’t confirm whether he has moobs or not.

Mini: Freddie always has the milk from a bottle.

I probably shouldn’t probe. But I do anyway.

Me: When Freddie was really, really tiny did he drink from Mummy or from a bottle?

Mini: A bottle.

Me: Always from a bottle?

Mini: Yes always from a bottle. Mummy said she has no milk in her boobies.

My suspicions are slowly getting confirmed that India has had a boob job.

Mini: I want the big boobies when I’m a grown-up. Not the small ones.

She says this rather loudly and just as two people pass us. I hear them laughing as they walk on by.